Funny things have been happening lately. On the one hand, they slow me down, but on the other hand, I often say to myself: “damn it, start doing everything you’ve dreamed of, regardless of others.”
A lot of us complain about the algorithm. How our instagram accounts aren’t going anywhere. Mine has been at the same number of followers for a year. But my reach often even exceeds the 50 percent share. Something’s not right. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. They tell me nothing. That I have substance, that I am not shallow. It’s true. I’m not selling anything. Could this be the problem?
I also don’t like to expose my husband all the time because it feels cheap. I praise him too much, I know. Then you are so happy when I take a picture of him. And questions, what does Tamer think about this and that, how is Tamer doing in Slovenia? At one point, I was baffled and thought to myself, “am I his lawyer, agent or something like that?” Whoever I am, I will never be a woman behind a man. I support Tamer in every possible way, as he also supports me. His success is my success, and vice versa.
But these nuggets really grind my gears: “I love following you two so much” or “I enjoy reading the two of you.”
*Looking around to see where the second person in this duet is writing this.*
Not a single text is seen by Tamer before posting. I am not asking him for his opinion or permission. Every word is mine and the English translation as well. This is not “our” account.
I know that I could easily gain a few thousand more followers with cutesy everyday videos of what we do, what we eat, what we laugh at. We could be so deliciously charming. We could pose as a wonderful mixed couple decoration hosted by a larger account, hungry to diversify its beige influence.
Last time I also heard a funny spicy sarcastic remark that we are doing too well. That I love my husband, I don’t complain about him… That’s really not interesting. There is no scandal. There wasn’t one even in Saudi Arabia because he didn’t confiscate my documents, and now there’s no reason to worry in Slovenia.
How do I proceed? Should I switch from writing to another medium, because most people don’t read anyway, they just like pretty pictures? Shall I take off my last reins of self-censorship, and welcome the devil-may-care attitude?