I wanted to write something more meaningful. Something helpful. I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now.
I’ve been thinking about it since I realized that none of my loved ones really knew or could understand how bad it was for me in May and June, when we were in Saudi Arabia, specifically in Jeddah, under curfew, and for a certain period of time under complete lockdown, meaning that we were forbidden to leave our homes 24/7.
On video calls and in messages, I would always share what was going on, what the daily numbers were and about the seriousness of the safety measures. Now it feels like nobody really listened to me back then. Maybe I shouldn’t have pretended to be so strong. But my anxiety was only going worse. Tamer would always calm me down with understanding whenever I felt extremely anxious, but I know that many times he didn’t quite get it, why I was being so emotional. I, on the other hand, felt like an animal in a cage when we were getting informed day by day of new restrictions or extended measures despite previous announcement of their possible cancelation.
If you’re reading this, don’t think I’m belittling your distress now in any way. On the contrary, I understand you. I understand the psychological pressure, which we then pile on ourselves even more while reading and following the news. I, too, still follow Slovenian channels, and at this stage, for example, I go nuts when I see those EXTRA POPPING GRAPHICS of sinister viral cells hovering around the heads of TV presenters. Enough for one day. I turn off the news.
The days to come will be tough. This cannot be denied. Uncertainty is one of the things that is sometimes the hardest to bear. Back in May, I consoled myself that I might still come to visit in the summer. Well, I couldn’t.
A few weeks ago, my mother wrote to me about whether or not to buy pumpkins for me, this year for the first time contrary to a long-standing family tradition.
- What about “Grandfather Frost” in December?
- I do not know. But let’s not get our hopes up too much too, because such plans cannot be certain and we only call on more sadness.
How many plans went down the drain this year? And how many are still going to.
But don’t give up. Above all, take care of yourself. And don’t forget about your loved ones, who may have more difficulty coping with current challenges.
I wish you all the best.